Tell Me I’m Fat



This American Life recently did a podcast entitled Tell Me I’m Fat. It was inspired by a book called Shrill by Lindy West. I love the This American Life podcast. This one was especially interesting to me since the topic was something I deal with everyday. Being fat. It is definitely worth listening to.

It started out very positive. I wasn’t aware of it, but there is a movement to come out as fat. It is like coming out as gay except you state the obvious.  It is accepting yourself as you are. You don’t have to try to lose weight. Find happiness as you are today. They act like saying ‘I am fat’ is a radical statement. The issue is usually politely ignored. If not politely ignored, it is danced around more gently. In the adult world, you just don’t call people fat out loud.

Some of the stories were heartbreaking. A woman who liked the fat version of herself better than the thin version. A woman who is classified at super morbidly obese. Diet pills. Discrimination.

I have never felt like people were looking into my grocery cart and judging me while shopping. Perhaps they are, but I never feel like they are. During the times I have eaten the worst, I sometimes felt a little self conscious about the amount of junk food in my cart. That is my own issues, not because I felt like I was being judged.

I never had to find a date as a fat person. When my husband and I started dating I was thin. I gained 50 pounds in the four years we dated and more that that after we got married. I never worried he would leave me because I gained weight. The girl he dated before me was fat.

I am lucky that I have never experienced fat discrimination or fat shaming. I almost wish I had. It might have made me try harder to lose weight all these years. I am very comfortable in my skin. If I was more self conscious maybe I wouldn’t be fat. My reasons for wanting to lose weight have nothing to do with vanity so maybe that would not have been incentive to lose weight.

Do you feel discriminated against because of your weight?

Controlled Chaos

Last week there was rain, followed by wet, followed by rain again. At the beginning of the week I was pretty sad about missing my bike rides.  By Saturday I was using the possibility of rain as an excuse to not even bother.

Yoga fizzled out last week also. I was diligent on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  By Wednesday,  things were getting difficult. The 30 day challenge is getting harder a bit to fast for me.  Thursday I told myself I was to tired. Friday I had a hair appointment and didn’t get home until after 9:00. I told myself I was to tired. By Saturday I was just indifferent to it.

This weekend, the muscles and areas I use most in yoga and biking hurt. They felt tight and uncomfortable.  I think they were protesting my inactivity. I need to get back to it.

Monday I rode my bike. I rode pretty hard because I wanted to beat the rain, which I did. It felt good to be out there.

My eating has been slowly drifting away from what I should be consuming. I am still limiting carbs but have been adding more fat and larger portions. Needless to say, my weight has been fluctuating up and down.

I have not fell off the wagon. I am currently walking beside it. I have made a conscious decision to take a few days off. I am making an effort to control what could become chaotic.  I am planning my off plan meals and avoiding sugar. I can’t be controlled while consuming sugar. I know this about myself.

I am three meals into my controlled chaos. I am happy to report that it is not as great as I imagined. My body definitely prefers lighter meals with less carbs. Armed with this knowledge, I look forward to getting back on my new normal diet on Sunday.

I expect to gain a few pounds. I will take it. I am earning them.

I am also resuming yoga. I enjoy it. I decided I will do each day twice before moving on. This turns the 30 day challenge into a 60 day challenge.  I have also decided to not do yoga on the days I ride my bike.  This might change in the future,  but for now that is my plan.

Do you alter your plans as you go along?

Celebrate You

Congratulations! You lost 5 more pounds.  You are looking great.  Ok, not great, but you are looking better than you have in years. You feel on top of the world. Let’s make a banner and hang it high. This should be celebrated. Quick! Someone ordered confetti.

Stop! Hold the presses!

News flash-  Not everyone is happy about your weight loss success.

What? That is crazy! Don’t they see the sunrays beeming down on me? Don’t they hear the birds singing?


Ok, no birds. I get it. But shouldn’t they be happy that I am doing something to improve my health?

In theory.  But not everyone is happy you are bettering yourself. For a variety of reasons, some people are not happy about it at all.

Perhaps they are happy with your status as their fat friend and don’t want that to change.

Perhaps they are annoyed at their own weight loss struggles and just don’t want to hear about how good you are doing.

Perhaps since you are getting out and doing more things they are worried about their status in your life changing.

Perhaps it is just all that confetti you keep throwing around. It is making a mess.

Your successes deserve to be celebrated. Not just weight loss, but all successes. Be your biggest fan. Sometimes your celebrations need to be a party of one. 

Celebrate all that is you!


30 Day Yoga Challenge for Beginners


Drum roll, please.

I have now lost 25 pounds. I am 5 weeks into my 8 week weight loss cycle. After the 8 weeks, I will do a two week cycle that Lindora calls metabolic adjustment. When I am in the metabolic adjustment phase, I probably won’t be losing weight. During that two weeks, I will be eating more food to increase my metabolism for the next weight loss round.

I have been riding my bike a lot. Weather and appointments permitting, I am trying to ride 3 days a week. I ride on a beautiful paved trail that is lined with trees. There are lots of squirrels, gopher tortoises and armadillos. It feels good to connect with nature. It is peaceful. After a day at work, it relieves a lot of stress.

Also, I started an almost daily yoga routine. I am currently doing Youtuber Lesley Fightmaster’s 30 day beginner challenge. I have been pretty consistent. Last night I chose to skip it. My daughter and I ran errands most of the day. As soon as we got home, we loaded up the bikes to go ride. By the time we got home it was 8:00. We had a late dinner. After dinner, I just wasn’t up to it. I chose to listen to my body.

Between yoga and biking, I feel stronger and more flexible. I like how the exercise is making me feel.

Are you up to a challenge? 

Lean for Life Week 1 – Down 12.8 pounds


I ‘secretly’ started Lean for Life last Saturday. It was a secret, because I wanted to make sure I didn’t abandon it after the first day. I have lost 12.8 pounds my first week.

Lindora Clinics have been around for 45 years. If you are from California, you are most likely familiar with them. They operate 43 weight loss clinics around the state. They also have an online program with phone coaching. Both are pretty pricy.

Around a decade ago, I did the Lindora Lean for Life online program. I was successful on it during the weight loss phase. You did the weight loss phase for 10 weeks straight instead of the 4 week the book tells you to do. Again, this is speaking from my experience from a decade ago, but I was not satisfied with the online support. There were several times when I had an appointment for phone coaching and I did not receive a call. The daily information they gave you was exactly the same as in the book, which was also part of the online program. It was a lot of money for what amounted to forum access.  However, their customer service was great. When I complained about the phone coaching, they refunded me all or most of my money. I don’t remember which, but it was significant.

I read some reviews about the Lean for Life program. Either people love it or hate it.  I love the Lean for Life program. You can do it at home thanks to the book by Cynthia Stamper.

Lean for Life uses ketosis to burn fat at the highest possible level and to reduce cravings. Your body goes into ketosis when it has no more carbs to burn so it burns fat instead.

The program works on the mental side of weight loss, too. It details how to control cravings, stay motivated, control your inner voice, and stress management.

The Lean for Life book provides you with a letter to share with your doctor. Before starting any new diet or exercise program, you should check with your doctor. I am not qualified to give any advice.

In order for the weight loss to be permanent, all 4 of their steps need to be followed. I haven’t found it in the new book, but the older version has a great analogy. If you break your leg, go to the doctor, spend money on x-rays, and have a cast put on you wouldn’t go home and take the cast off yourself. That would be foolish. After your weight loss, you still need the support of a ‘cast’ to maintain lasting success.

I will tell you more about what I am eating next week when I do an update on what I have lost.

Linked up to these great parties:
Healthy Living Link Party, Link Love, Anything Goes, All About You, Turn It Up Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Wake Up Wednesday

Gardening is Exercise


This post contains affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission if you make a purchase with no additional charge to you . You can read my disclosure here. Thanks for supporting Finding Candace.


I am down again. When you have so much weight to lose, it can seem like an slow process. I have to keep reminding myself of the big picture. Even a pound a week adds up to over 50 pounds a year. I would rather be 50 pounds lighter this time next year then exactly where I was today.

I have so much work do in the garden. Last year, after I planted seeds, I ignored it. It is suffering from severe neglect. I have six raised beds. All were full of weeds. Some even had roots growing in them. They are pretty big. I suspect they are from the neighbors tree. I have been pulling weeds, dead plants, and what might have been a small tree.

The soil in the raised beds seems to disappear into thin air. I have made several trips to the Garden Center to buy more soil. I don’t have a truck, so I can’t fit that many bags at a time. I started gardening about a decade ago. Back then I mixed my own soil blend. Mel Bartholomew recommended it in his book All New Square Foot Gardening.  I would love to do the blend again, but it is hard to find agricultural vermiculite locally. I can get it an hour away. I am not willing to drive that far right now. I will just use what is available.

Next, I have to replace all the trellis. Every one of them has damage. The ‘good’ ones just have a few holes. The bad ones are missing most of the bottom two feet. It involves tying a million little knots.  I love the trellis. I just weave the plants in it as they grow.

Gardening is exercise. My muscles are sore to prove it. Soil bags are heavy, like weights. Pulling tough weeds works the core. Getting up and down can be loosely construed as squats.

How have you got your exercise this week?

This post contains affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission if you make a purchase with no additional charge to you . You can read my disclosure here. Thanks for supporting Finding Candace.


My Top Three Reasons to Lose Weight


It could have went either way this week. Lucky for me it went down. I was down a whopping .4 of a pound. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I will take it. I need to find more enthusiasm for this or I am just going to keep yo-yoing in the 250’s.

I need a little motivation, so here are my top three reasons to lose weight.

Improved Memory

Research shows that losing weight can improve your memory. I need all the help I can get with my memory. Most things I need to do are wrote down on index cards so I can keep track of my tasks. I usually chose florescent colors so I don’t lose them. It makes sense that if you improve your health, you improve everywhere, even your brain.

Save Money

Most things I have read focus on the big picture of your health and the reduced medical cost of being at a healthy weight. I would rather focus on the smaller daily things. If you weigh less, your car uses less fuel. There are reduced food costs as well. I weigh a lot because I eat a lot. Processed food adds a lot to your food costs. Yesterdays lunch cost over $8.00 at a fast food restaurant. A healthy homemade lunch would cost far less.


Knees take a beating. The force they take is 1.5 times your weight. That means my knees think I am 375 pounds. Losing weight reduces stress on your weight bearing joints. Less stress on your joints means less pain. Being overweight causes inflammation which can cause pain in other joints.

What motivates you?

It Shouldn’t Be A Surprise


It shouldn’t be a surprise but it was. A few days ago I was down a few pounds. Then it came…the weekend. A weekend full of to many salty snacks and a lack of hydration. The final nail in the coffin of weight loss was the arrival of  Aunt Flo. Also a surprise that shouldn’t be surprising.

So far, I am not having an inspired week. Gains, no matter how small, are very demotivating. I am not giving it my all, but I wasn’t giving it my all last week either.

Let’s just keep that number our little secret.